


Dinosaur

by DaisyFairy



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alcohol, Dinosaurs, Drunkeness, Miracles, Other, natural history museum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 08:31:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20171266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaisyFairy/pseuds/DaisyFairy
Summary: Aziraphale takes Crowley to the dinosaur exhibit at the Natural History Museum. Alcohol and an unauthorised miracle follow.





	Dinosaur

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't what I was supposed to be writing today, but my brain got hijacked,and three hours later here we are 😁

Crowley rolled his eyes as Aziraphale gasped in what to all appearances was genuine fear at the animatronic Tyrannosaurus Rex moving towards him. Crowley had actually been a little impressed when he first saw the dinosaur, but this was the fourth time in twenty minutes that Aziraphale had dragged him back to this particular exhibit.

“Why are we even here angel? We both know all of this was a big joke by herself upstairs.”

Aziraphale turned away from the dinosaur and linked his arm with Crowley to guide him to another, smaller exhibit, “I just think it is amazing how _hard_ they are trying to work it all out.” He gestured at a mock up of a small Oviraptor with a nest of eggs, “Look at these amazing creatures! The humans love them so much, and they’ve never even seen one. They have so much love to give.” He continued sotto voiced, “I think it is rather a cruel joke to be honest, but who am I to question the Great Plan.”

Crowley snorted, “Who indeed? Just leave the questioning to me, it’s what I do.”

“Oh hush, let me just finish up in here and I’ll take you to the little café for some tea.”

Crowley glared until Aziraphale relented, “A teacup full of whisky it is then.”

“That sounds like a plan I can get behind, lead on.”

__

Of course, Aziraphale ‘just finishing up' took over an hour of marveling at the models and descriptions, and by the time he was done the café at the Natural History Museum was closing, so in apology he took Crowley to The Ivy for dinner, and wine, and dinosaur discussions, and more wine, and tectonic plates, and wine, and then to the bookshop for coffee, and wine, and human evolution and wine, and Crowley’s Homo Erectus joke, and wine, and an unexpected bottle of tequila, and wine. In fact there was so much wine, that they both completely forgot to sober up. Rather unwisely Aziraphale passed out on the sofa leaving Crowley in possession of a blood stream of at least 80% ethanol, ‘The Boys First Big Book of Dinosaurs’ (which had been brought out to illustrate a point that neither of them could later remember), and the Occult power to do whatever the hell he wanted with a click of his fingers. Aziraphale really had only himself to blame.

__

The morning arrived, as it often does, when the sun rudely rose over the horizon and shone through a window straight onto the face of a sleeping angel. The phrase ‘a sleeping angel' would normally conjure a peaceful image of beauty and grace, a powerful and benevolent being resting from their labours awhile. In this instance the sleeping angel was crumpled, rumpled and disgruntled; a frown on his face, drool down his chin and a head full of angry bees. He groaned and grumbled, but eventually opened his eyes when the sound of a TV that he didn’t own the previous evening filtered into his consciousness.

On opening his eyes he discovered Crowley kneeling on the floor surrounded by empty wine bottles, in front of a TV set in the corner of the room. There seemed to be some kind of breaking news story being reported by a rather excited looking woman in a studio with an image of a rainforest on a huge screen behind her.

“Scientists are hailing this as one of the greatest discoveries in living memory. Here is the first footage of the newly discovered creatures, filmed by Doctor Kota who was on the Cocos Island to study the indigenous bird population.”

The screen behind her came to life as the video started playing, the undergrowth parted, and several miniature brachiosaurs emerged, followed by an even smaller one that must have been their offspring.

Crowley grinned and rocked on his haunches as the woman continued, “The creatures are approximately 1 and a half meters tall, and although it is not yet confirmed, they appear to be living dinosaurs. It is not known how many of them are living on the island, but researchers from around the world are already planning trips to investigate further.”

Aziraphale took several tries to comment on the situation, partly because the bees in his head had turned into hornets, and been joined by a child with a new drum; and partly because his jaw only seemed to be vaguely attached to his face. “What. Did. You. Do?”

Crowley grinned harder, “Do ya like it? I made them little, see.” He pointed excitedly at the screen, which had now moved on to a discussion about Brexit, but he didn’t notice. “Big ones ‘d be too ob...ob...easy to see, they’d n’ver ‘ve missed those things stomping ‘round. They’re sayin' it’s ‘Insular Dwarfism'. See! Ja’see? They’re already expl'n'in it. Give it a couple ‘a decades, I’ll get ya one as a pet.”

With great effort Aziraphale found the power to clear his hangover, hoping that this would turn out to be a hallucination, but the ticker tape running along the bottom of the news report was still proclaiming ‘BREAKING NEWS: LIVING DINOSAURS DISCOVERED ON COSTA RICAN ISLAND’.

He sighed, “You are still drunk!”

“Yeah.” Crowley drawled.

“How are you going to explain this miracle? Its not like they won’t notice downstairs.”

“Idiots pr'b'ly won’t notice. They’re idiots. Anyway, ‘s against the plan, isn't it? No dinosaurs, now there's dinos'rs. Ineff'ble plan been effed.” He giggled maniacally at his own joke. “I’m so evil.”

Aziraphale watched the TV screen where a different woman was talking to a group of ecstatic school children who were all holding out hastily drawn pictures of the newly discovered animals. Their little faces were lit up and he couldn’t help his own lips turning up in response. Crowley had crawled onto the sofa next to him while he was distracted and rested his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder. He became heavier as he drifted to sleep mumbling, “Should get a comm'dation, so evil.”

On the TV screen a spokesman from the Natural History Museum was talking animatedly. He looked like all his Christmases had come at once.

Aziraphale carefully brushed Crowley’s hair off of his face, kissed his forehead, and whispered to his sleeping demon, “Yes my dear, you are very evil.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this little bit of silliness. Please let me know if you did, I love kudos and comments make me smile. 😂
> 
> P.s. [Insular Dwarfism](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insular_dwarfism) is a real thing, well, we think it is, unless Crowley's just been messing with us.


End file.
